|
We sometimes need that dysfunctional person and relationship in our lives to feel whole.Everyone should read this book. That in itself is comforting. The second concept is that our needs are formed by the combination of both our biology.human nature, and our environment, the lessons and examples we learned from our parents. We all want healthy and fulfilling relationships but most of us look for them armed with the wrong information and a misunderstanding of how to achieve one. The sad thing is that sometimes these holes we need filled require a dysfunctional and destructive relationship. I found this book fascinating enough to read twice, because it shows how our psychology and biology determine who we choose to have a relationships with.
Put us in a room with 500 people and we will find the one whose dysfunction matches our need. The unfortunate part is that our biology and upbringing tends to doom us into these patterns as they are hardwired into our brains. Wonder why your relationships always seem to turn out the same way or why you seem to always date the same person over and over again. Our subconscious tells us this is normal.If you've been involved in one bad or unsatisfying relationship after another this book will help you understand why. I highly recommend this book. The answer is in this book.Two concepts from the book that hit home with me were that we are always attracted to the person whose key fits our lock.
We all have holes, or gaps as Rocky would say, and we need someone else to fill these holes.
The book move into what to do to change our tendency towards negative 'Attractors' and learn to be attracted, all over again. The metaphorical, lyrical,humorous and loving language is a big plus in this book; it never goes over the edge into syrupy--just straight forward, science and humanity. This book taught me about the biologic make up of love, when the brain is receptive to it, can give it, can't. (It *is* essentially tied to luck--- how your limbic receptors along with your whole brain/body biology was attuned to and loved when from infancy). Note: It should be read slowly and savored. It is about attachment theory and blows away all other explanations about infant-mother love, how much love is the central healing tool in therapy and how that works, and why loves comes easily to some and not others. It talks about how one's 'Attractors' are embedded in our limbic receptors, and why they are sometimes, over and over again, representative of negative attachment we received from a lack of emotional resonance and mirroring early on.
It includes a full overview of all the complex emotions that are involved in all the different kinds of love humans experience. I'd recommend this book to any reader, with advanced knowledge on this topic or someone with no background at all. Kudos to the writers who put so much effort and care into constructing a well-balanced interesting book. If you are considering getting this book, I'd highly recommend it. It is so well-written and interesting that I wish I had more time to sit and read it. It has information about the most up to date research in this field and the great thing is that it's not just about love and the romanticized version of it.
It's not a quick read, especially in the beginning, but the insight into the biological underpinnings of love is worth it. This book is about brian development and how it pertains to attachment and love. It's clearly written and fascinating.
They demonstrate a level of overall education and culture that I have not often seen in the work of American authors and it is a nice change. I started off this book with a lot of scepticism, believing that science is really overreaching in the areas of brain physiology and chemistry.However, the authors have put together a compelling and informative read which provides a thorough explanation of why our emotional life is not subject to rationality. I would call myself a reformed rationalist having lived long enough to know that a rational life is not a happy, that I need to relate better to other people and that love and compassion need to be deliberately cultivated.The authors write with authority, panache and compassion.
|
